I can take a hint, I can see our metrics, I know this blog isn't resonating with a broader audience (shout out to Antonio and Chris who have the stones any more to make any sort of engagement in this fucking madhouse of a supposed gamedev blog).

It's time I put the idiot dream away, much like mister Gilmore had to do in the original movie. He wanted so badly to be a hockey player, but his true calling was golf.

We don't get to choose our callings, we don't get to choose our gifts, nor our weaknesses.

I was put here for one purpose, to make retarded Netflix film reviews.

So anyway, before we get onto the review, if you haven't seen the movie, go watch it. I don't want to spoil how much a fucking let down it was like everything else these days, or how much a return to form it was.

OK SPOILERS AHEAD!

So HOLY SHIT! What an amazing ad campaign, I had NO FUCKING HOPE for this movie. I'm a HUGE fucking Adam Sandler fan, I enjoy his entire fucking catalogue, I don't give a fuck what all the snarky pretentious shits think, develop some fucking taste and learn to enjoy life a little you pretentious dick wads, holy fuck I coudl write an entire blog on the cultural decay these pretentious nerd fucks have exacted on our world, those nerdy fucking losers like Patton Oswald, and I say this as someone who thinks Patton is FUNNY AS SHIT, but his insecurities and the human centipede of adulation among the modern vidiot who craves cultural decay to give meaning to their vapid lives...

Ok, time out IllTemperedTuna, let's take a deep breath, this is a movie review for Happy Gilmore, not a cultural retrspective of the downfall of western civilzation at the hands of the smarmy. high and might jack offs like John Stewart and Patton fuckign Oswald, let's get back to the review..

So for a little while I was really excited for this movie, FUCK YEAH HAPPY GILMORE 2 LET'S FUCKING GO I NEED SOME GOOD IRREVERANT HUMOR RIGHT NOW WE ARE IN A GAHDAMN FUCKING DESERT.

And the first bit of media I see is him and the lady that plays his wife talking about how Adam got her to return telling her that she really was the heart of the movie and how big a part she was playing in this. And I was just fucking checking the fuck right out. Oh god, here we fucking go again with this hollywood horse shit.

Expectations right into the fucking dirt. "Oh the new Happy Gilmore is out that I don't give a damn about? Ok, let's watch 10 minutes and when we're not feeling it we're out."

And it starts up with that classic splash screen of the golfer smashing the glass and he says "Terrific" and all I can think is, damn do I miss those good old days, when movies could be fucking funny.

And then the movie started, and Happy's got a family now, and he's got 3 boys and a little girl, and I just felt like I was being pandered to. "Oh god this is even worse than woke shit, they don't even know how to make naturaly middle America slop any more." It was forced, it was shallow and it wasn't funny.

I was looking at the clock, how many more minutes till our ten minutes are up and I can walk away and get back to our cave where we wallow in the dark trying to keep this damned fire alive.

And he's got his family now and it was feeling sappy, and all I could think was "gross", please no more of this shit, I was happier when it was nothing by subversive hollywood garbage, at least the classics of Happy Gilmore were dead and burried, safe from desecration, safe from knowing the things we used to love are away from this cultural vandalization, away from these old Hollywood hacks bringing things back to life for a quick buck, stuffing them with retirement home, washed up has-beens, sullying their memories.

And then we get to the golf course, and I'm just dreading this movie, and I was thinking to myself, yep, those promos told me exactly everything I needed to know about this movie, all the jokes they showed were toothless, they weren't goofy, this is going to be Adam Sandler trying to make some kind of sappy, happy family movie without any fucking edge, and I might as well just hop on youtube and watch some slop there.

And then he fires off the first shot, hits his wife in the fucking head and she dies as suddenly as Chubs does in the first movie.

"Holy shit, did I misjudge this movie?"

A moment of doubt struck, we might be fucking back... We'll give it 30 minutes then decide if it's worth our time.

I think it was 2 minutes later I see that fuck Steve Buchemie pissing int a mailbox with the stupidest fucking grin on his face.

OH, WE BACK M*THER FUCKERS

God I haven't enjoyed watching a movie this much since the recent Beverly Hills Cop and I was in my "Happy Place" back then. 

Holy fuck I was just smiling through this whole thing. It just did everything so right. Didn't take itself too seriously, didn't pander too hard, it got sentimental, but not so heavy about it. Just a fun experience to give you a little laugh before ya snuff it.

And Holy shit the casting, I would have never expected that kid from the I see Dead People movie to make a cameo and to be the bad guy! And then Shooter McGavin's redemption arc! It was so fucking good!

ROFL, when shooter was doubting himself, he's old, he's fresh out of a looney bin, he's a fucking deshieveled weirdo old man who hates all these whiney pretentious entitled fucking shitty kids these days, and Adam Sandler is building him up, puts the finger guns back into his hands, asks him where these pieces of shit need need to and he's like appealing to Shooter, "Come on man, we need the patriarchal fuck back, we need that pissed off old colonizer fuck that's going to put these whiney, entitled, do nothings hits in their place and handle some fucking golf."

And they got EMINEM! And I CAN'T STAND that high and might, pretentious fuck. But he was so good in this! He came onto the same set that Rob Schnieder was on, and you see this breadth of idiological divide of all these people who were willing to put that baggage away from a little bit to make a fun little movie for the kids, and for the kids inside us old fogies.

JOHN FUCKING LUVITS! KEVIN FUCKING NEALON!

And they were fucking good! They were in their elements! And the cameos were just done so fuckign well, Adam Sandler is a master of playing things low key that most people would blow up too much. It's just fun.

AND BEN STILLER! I CAN'T STAND THAT PRETENTIOUS CUNT EITHER! But he played the bad guy again in this so fucking well!

This was an homage done FUCKING RIGHT. It didn't lean on the old movies so much that it didn't have its own identity, they weren't using this as a crutch.

When Shooter chokes out Happy covered by Bob Barker's Grave. That was good, that was really fucking good. And there were just so, so many fun inventive moments like this.

Chubbs son is in this, that fat as fuck black dude who in no way could play the part of Chubb's son and it was so fuckign irreverant and stupid, and at first it felt wrong but after a few minutes it felt so right.

Like holy shit, this was just some good old fashioned stupid horse shit, and I had no idea how fucking much I needed a bit of that right now.

I promised myself I wouldnt' get too sappy, or neckbeard out and play that insecure dude that everyone is on the hunt for any more. But it was nice to have a little home for a little while in Happy Gilmore 2. It was like this movie was made specifically for me. I'm just a middle aged goofball, suffered from alcoholism my whole life, I know what large quantities of hand sanitizer and mouth wash taste like, I know how fucking god aweful the hang overs are from the chemicals they put in that shit. I'm not proud of it, I mean why the fuck would we be?

The movie basically says, it's ok to just be a dude. It's ok to be a fuck up and you can still be a good dad despite that, it's not what you own, it's not about the $$$, a good family is about being there for one another and wanting the best for each other. Just some good old fashioned wholesome shit in here with the classic Adam Sandler goofiness.

A'ight, that's enough dicklet, neckbeard, rambles for tonight. We've got a game to go make. Gonna draw ourselves a long bath, and come up with some bite sized chunk we can attack tonight.

Oh that reminds me... THE PLAN!

So we've been a bit afraid of getting back to it. What if it's not great? What if we burn out and we're just slogging and miserable? What if this is as close as we're ever going to get to the game coming togehter? 

The worrying becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes you gotta just get to it.

But I had this idea, let's do fun little bite sized chunks, and if we have a 16 hour day, GREAT! But if we only get our little pittance of a daily done, that's better than nothin'!

So I want to do little "packages" of work that fit together, and expose the existing systems we've been working on all these years!

Gahdamn, you tube is on fire with the music recommendations right now.

So anyway, Gonna come up with a few variations of the shield today, and going to create a fish or two that will have those shields and drop those shields for the player to pick up. And as a shout out to Antonio, I will come up with a couple rare variations that have some cool unique abilities on them that he was asking about yesterday.

GOTTA FIGURE OUT WHAT COOL UNIQUE PLAYER ABILITIES TO PUT ON SHIELDS! (A first go at it anyway) And if anybody has neat ideas for abilties, I'M ALL EARS!

I can't GAURANTEE I will put these things in my game because I'm a pretentious fuck who does things my way, but what I CAN gaurantee is a long, drawn out neckbeard fucking diatribe WAYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy longer than any of you will be comfortable with explaining why it's a stupid fucking idea XD

But if it IS a good idea, I'll PUT IT IN THE GAME!

A'ight, enough blathers, about time we put hammer to fuckin' anvil again and get back to slammin' this shit out.

Time to get busy devin' or get busy dyin'!