So this never happens, but I set to writing up a blog yesterday and it was going to be this epic retrospective of what gamedev is, and how it's not working on improving games, but rather in improving ourselves, and if we can't find it in ourselves to suffer hardship head on and grow, we are doomed for failure. Well holy shit that kinda just summed it up there, but yesterday I wrote this long blog that just kinda putted around and didn't go anywhere so I just got a little frustrated and posted that Titanic video and said screw it.

I don't need to tell anyone that it is strange days in this industry. I don't need to tell anyone that things are changing and that the big behemoth AAA studios are in a world of trouble. In fact I'm giong to go ahead and link a video I watched earlier from legendary drops:

We were sounding the alarm bells many years ago, so while I may be grumpy and I may make offensive blogs, please to try understand, we've been in the thick of this shit suffering unwarrentedly for many many years at this point. Silenced, ostricized, mocked, put upon.

Ugh I shouldn't be trying to make emotional appeals when my brain isn't working. Under the weather in the usual sort of way right now, that's partly when I'm taking some time off from work, but as we've been whining about, just really fucking burned out on top of all this. So just kinda stewing.

Ironically when things are giong really well, burnout is even more painful, because you WANT to work, you want to strike when the iron is hot, but your brain just won't let you, and then there's the breathlessness so just outright no work today.

I don't know why I feel the need to come on here and say this same shit over and voer and over again. Part of it is that I feel guilty for not getting work done, part of it is because i'm obsessive and I just can't take my mind of this industry and the project and I'm trying to just occupy myself until something finally gives, and part of it is that I'm just an insufferable fucktard. But I repeat myself.

It's so quiet. I always complain about the silence. There used to be a method to it, a purpose. Company secrets, proprietary workflows, keeping the cool stuff you were cooking up hidden so as not to spoil the surprise. We used to be the adults getting christmas morning ready for the player base, we used to be the shephards of this industry keeping all the magical things close to our vest that the players could look forward to.

Any more it's just mums the world because no one wants to face the music. It's all so depressing. I'm glad we have our project, but seeing this industry just slowly grind itself to pulp under its hubris and spite is so tired.

I just want this weak, boring, and big fake ass era of bullshit and corporatism and horse shit over. I'm tired of suffering for the poor decisions of others, I'm tired of being the fucking whipping boy because others couldn't muster up a fraction of a thimble of some elbow grease to accomplish anything.

Eh there we go again. I really don't care any more. I'm done getting worked up, I'm done appologizing, I'm done trying.

No one else tried shit, no one else risked shit, no one else extended any olive branches, no one else made any efforts or questioned themselves. Face first right into the fucking mountain.

Well, no one can say no one tried to warn them. I was yelling my ass off all these damn years, HEY ASSHOLES YOU'RE CAREENING RIGHT INTO THE FUCKING MOUNTAIN YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHANGE COURSE.

But again, all us people trying to warn them are the bad guys, we're all problematic. And oh boy did you let us know.

Bleh. Enough about this shit. We've been working our ass off, we've done everything we can to try to help others and keep this fire alive. I'm done feeling miserable on this industry's behalf, tried of shouldering the weight of all the negativity and decline that they have festered.