LOVELY! A nice song by Roxette, there's no way in hell this blog devolves into angry neckbeard bullshit. 

You sweet summer child XD you must be new here...

There are times I put even more effort and thought into this blog, than I do the game itself, and this is one of those times. And it's actaully nice to have something different to obsess over, something more human, something that isn't so  technical and aggrivating.

Hey look I just misppeled a string of blathers and I'm not being assaulting by a throng of compilation errors. God that's nice.

But I do have misgivings too. What a string of bangers of late in this blog space, for a bit there I was thinking maybe we were tapped out and our best, most incriminating blathers were behind us, but nope! That R-Tard strength always kicks in.

And I was thinking, we're too spastic here, one day we'll write this solemn, melancholy bit about the trying journey of gamedev, and we'll allow our vulnerability to show just a bit, and then the devil on our other shoulder is like, "Jeez bro, stop being a fucking pussy." And next thing I know I'm just laughing it all off and playing manowar XD.

I guess maybe that is our identity, to be a horrifying disjointed tempo, emotional chaos and stopping and starting, and maybe there's something a little poetic about that, because that's exactly what gamedev is like if any of you sons of bitches have actually engaged in this slog, and I don't mean sat at your computer looking out for the lead in the corner of your eye while you kinda push some poly's around and devote the ENTIRITY of your attention to that little tiny movie playing in the corner of your second monitor.

Gamedev is a true hellride, and when the entire product is depending on your ability to wrangle complex issues and find the SeaCrit sauce, that creates some very intesnse highs and lows. Your brain will wire to accept a manic state of being as just another Tuesday.

You will have days where you put in 16 hours, you will want to smash your fucking fist through the monitor with all the bullshit that's stopping you from taking a break, from taking that tiny task off the TODO list that's now ballooned into an abject fuckign nuclear warning, and just when you're about to surrender and gear up for a month of pain trying to track down some horrible problem, the answer emerges out of nowhere and you can pry your sweaty claws from the blood-sticky keyboard, and fall to your knees knowing the battle is over, perfectly content, perfectly happy that everything is fine and good and  you will live to fight another day.

But then there are those days when it doesn't go well, maybe you find out something went terribly wrong, it went terribly wrong 4 months ago and you've been your entire project on horrible foundations, and now in a moment you see the ticking time bomb in the corner of hte room that's about to wipe out you and maybe even your team's entire culmination of motivation and positive attitudes for the foreseable future.

Point is, gamedev isn't always sunshine and fucking rainbows. And the only way you're goig to be any decent at this fuckin' thing, is if you have a bit of a stomach to tolerate some level of uncomfortableness. You have to be able to push through some pain.

If the worst thing that could possibly happen to your project in your opinion is someone has the wrong opinion or says the wrong word. I'm sorry, but you need to toughen the fuck up, and your delicate sensibilities has been a poison to this fucking industry over the years.

I swear this wasn't my intention to  go down this road, it just sorta happens, my INTENTION was to talk about how we need to keep things simple, and to speak to the fact those fancy tools Grok said would be so easy to implement the other day ended up being a bunch of bullshit.

NEVER TRUST AI! AI has no idea WTF it's talking about, and the more I engage with it the more terrified I am that it will be in charge of anything.

But this is where we're at as a fucking species. Coddled, incompetent, subservient,  blind to the evil and shortcomings of those on our "team", hyper judgmental, and destructive to anyone perceived as the other.

Ah Gahdammn it, I was so happy with hose this blog has been of late, I take it as a point of pride I don't self censor, I do not avoid topics, I run my annoying mouth as the ideas come to me. If we're going to go down in flames, we're going to go down in flames being sincere as shit, even if that means burning what few bridges we have.

I'd like to believe I'm just speaking common sense, I'd like to believe this anger I hold is warranted and even useful to a degree. It's hard after all these years to not feel a tad miffed,  to not harbor some resentments for what has been done to us, to this industry, to our collective futures, and for the state of the discourse and the state of the tribalism. I do put that blame at the echo chambers of the techno elite who thought the world would be oh so much better if everyone just believed exactly as they did and bowed at their feet, and anyone questioning anything was a heretic, as all the most back scratching and foot kissing mother fuckers were so fucking happy to indulge while they enjoyed the most easy and cush time imaginable pretending to do work all day, pretending to be holding each other to standards as teh world went to abject shit.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Where to go from here? And I don't mean that in just this blog, I mean, what the fuck do we do as a species?

We're all weak now, we're all delicate, we're all quick to taddle tail and attack if anyone damages our supremly fragile sensibilities in the most self serving way. People care oh so much about this censorship and "kindness" not because it helps others, but because it's a fucking cudgel. It's an easy paycheck, it's an easy win in your arguments, it's easy feelings of virtue, it's easy social status and upwards mobility, it's an easy way to surround yourself with ass kissers in the work place so you can lord over them.

It's fucking disgusting is what it is, start to finish in that human centipede of self satisfaction.

ROFL, I told myself these sort of blogs were over, oh well, I guess maybe we were due for running our mouth some more, for burning whatever bridges might have formed in the future.

I just don't care. If something so trivial as speaking truth, to trying to wake this industry the fuck up so it can save itself, so it can grow strong and healthy into mature and thinking adults is going to get me canceled again for the 50th fucking time. So be it. You can have your little puddle deep, playpen of liquid shit.

Ok, I really don't like ending on brutal attacks like that. Yeah, I'm kind of an asshole, but I don't have to like that about myself. I also like to think I have a pretty decently sized heart and I do want people to do better. Sometimes we must be cruel in order to be kind.

Being kind isn't just indulging your children any time they want a hand in the candy jar. Sometimes you gotta get those little shits to eat some broccoli, or to construct phones on an assembly line for 14 hours a day or they're going to starve to death. THAT"S THE SORT OF SACRIFICE WE HAVE TO BE ABLE TO MAKE FOR OUR CHEAP PHONES, IT"S IMPORTANT!

Everyone's a saint until it infringes a fraction of an inch on their own personal luxury .

Point is, it's easy to be nice, it's easy to scratch one another's backs, to indulge the group sentiments that everything is hard, and we need to do this or that and avoid hard work, and we're due a break, and oh aren't we all so nice, and we're ringing in this wonderous era of goody gumdrops and rainbows and oh boy look how friendly everyone is, and look how happy we've made everything, and oh boy it's almost lunch time we're all going to go sing KUMAY FUCKING YA.

Just typing that made me sick to my stomach XD. I'm only halfway joking.

People who genuinely DO have privilege, they need to wake the fuck up, they need to pull their asses out of their big academic echo chambers of other big headed academic types who think they're gods gift to this fucking world. "Let them eat cake".

Not everyone can eat cake you fuck nuts. Some people have to wade into the rice fields holding sacks of shit while they fertilize the crops. Someone has to trudge through these arrays of 0's and 1's and fertilize the digital battlefield, before others can color it with blood.

These tasks aren't easy, they sure as shit aren't fucking rewarding, but SOMEONE has to fucking do it.

If you can't handle a naughty word, can't be assed to even developed a few core competencies so you can be a bit more useful in a broader sense on the project, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY, and stop destroying the lives of people trying to force feed you fucking victory, ungrateful shits.

And I'm just kinda like? WTF do we have to lose?

FUCK IT!

Oh, as for the project, took some MUCH needed rest the past couple days, haven't even THOUGHT about the project other than some aimless bussiwork guided by Grok for 8 hours yesterday trying to get our "puppetmaster" system working and it was a terrible failure. Turn's out I'm just fucking retarded and forgot the compile times aren't even the liines share of the wait time, and that all the work I did to divide my code up was a total waste oftime and I should probably undo all of it as it's this overly complex, bullshit system that only serves to make our job harder and I can only imagine months from now some obscure bug will pop up linked to this and we're going to want to beat our own ass for implementing it.

In other news, in anticipation of MAYBE earning a little Unity Store credit (assuming they don't read my blog at any point XD) we MAY be winning a bit of $$$ that we can spend on things like UI, icons, bars, and Unity Utilities, that are going to make working on SeaCrit so much mmore bitchen. And I haven't been on the store in years thinking there wasn't anything worth looking at but I've got like 10 things in my shopping cart that I'd be stoked as fuck to be able to get and I think would be a huge shot in the arm to SeaCrit, not just the graphics, like a legit UI would add so much pop in my opiion, but also there are so much cool tools that would help a ton dealing with scriptable ogjects en masse and keeping them organized and being able to interface with large swathes of assets at one time.

Anywho! To anyone reading this, if you're all riled up, please just take a deep breath. If you're feeling something, hate, anger, offense, sympathy, horror, and you can relate to this, or you can't, then GREAT! That means I did my job with this blog.

Life isn't always about feeling good and having warm happy thoughts in our tummies and never offending people or not making them uncomfortable. If that's what you want, there are plenty of jobs you could take on, therapist, ice cream salesperson, Massage person giver or whatever.

I take pride that we're willing and able to wade into the colder and tremulous waters out in the deep end. I take pride that we're willing to suffer and put our ass on the line. And I take pride that day after day we subject ourselves to endless pains and frustrations while the rest of this industry sat around and gave one another half hearted reach arounds.

And maybe i'm crazy, maybe I'm just another self absorbed neckbeard with their head up their ass (I am), but I'm starting to think maybe all that pain and sacrifice is starting to show itself in the project.

Only time will tell! New rig comes in tomorrow, might get a touch of work tonight, or might just sit around and think about how WE ARE NOT going to play 30 hours straight of POE 2 when it gets here, like a super hardcore, super mega adulter who never plays games and only devotes their every waking moment to super painful code and shit.