I had two angles of attack, both would have been acceptable. I was either going to write this blog, and mull over how we were going to integrate our property fields, we would know how we wanted to approach them in Unity while also showing off all the fancy propgress we've made in data organization.

OR! We we open up Unity, get to it, figure it out and then by the time we were ready to write our blog we have this perfectly formulated pipeline to share with our little diminutive corner of the internets!

And all I can think of is after all these long years of crunching these numbers, learning when to hide our fields, when to expose them, where to put them so they’re convenient, when we want them to reset on start, when we want them to be permanent. When we want explicit editing of said values at runtime, if we want those changes to stick, or if we want them to zap away when the test is over.

Can I level with you really quick? I don’t know what any of this means any more.

I know the routine I’m setting myself to. Wake up, think of our task at hand, we’re going to execute, we’re going to hopefully perform our task well, and hopefully some day we can earn a fucking living.

I can already feel I’m not going to do this sense of helplessness any justice.

It’s not just that we fail in creating our game, every day we wake up, and we hope that since our game isn’t cutting it, maybe we can make some sort of blog that’s so fucking crazed, so out there, so bizzare that maybe it turns a head or two.

Hey indie devs is it not soul crushing enough that your pour your heart and soul and aspirations and fading years into your game that's going to be a gut wrenching failure. Why don't your take your tired, obsessive, spread thin ass, and attempt to awkwardly fucking market your game too. Yeah that's going to really fucking well. That's going to pour some nice healthy fucking salt in the wound.

Like any day now this world is going to snap the fuck out of it! Hey am I fucking perfect? SHIT NO, but how much fucking harder you you have to try to catch a break in this fucking world?

And then it hits me, we just don’t fucking fit. And we’ve spent the better part of 8 years shoveling powder into the canon, and now we’re aiming it directly into the sun.

I feel like i’m simultaneously trying too hard to make this blog feel meaningful while at the same time having absolutely no gas in the tank to try to do anything.

Every course of action feels wrong. Wear our heart on our sleeve, we’re the crazed weirdo. Act professional and do the tired old dance and we’re just another face in the crowd. I don’t want to be another quiet face in the crowd any more. I don’t want to see this quiet, soft parade play out any more.

And I fear people think that what I want to do is destroy this industry, tear it apart. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

I’m trying to get a fucking rise out of this damned industry. This sea of fucking cowards that in their failure now stew in their refuse.

Not a peep, not a whisper, not a murmur of an apology, not a squeek of a plan for action. Show some backbone, stand up four your work, talk about the cool shit that's on the burner, make some noise! Show some signs of life for god's sake, the wall are on fucking fire and your comrades are in danger.

Nothing... quiet... bystander syndrome.

Does anyone GIVE  A SINGEL SHIT ABOUT THIS INDUSTRY!? DOES ANYONE FUCKING CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THEIR OWN ASS!?

NOPE! All fucking hiding under the cover of the sludge at the bottom of the ocean, perfectly happy to let it all go to shit hoping they won't have to suffer any scorn, any ramifications. Just another day as usual from the back scratchers and the do nothings.

But WE'RE the assholes! The ones who want to save this fucking industry.

BAH!

Look, I've been there. I've been in the shitty job. I don't blame anyone for saying fuck it amidst all the bullshit. But the sheer cowardace is what gets me. The quiet, the nothing as the decay just goes on and on and on.

What the fuck are we doing as an industry? Do we stand for ANYTHING!? Do we draw the line ANYWHERE!? Are we this fucking fearful and comotose that we can't do fuck all, and we're all just paralyzed waiting for others to show us the safe path forward because we can't be assed to risk a single fucking thing ourselves?

NO wonder this industry is fucking screwed. Do nothing fuckign cowards in every direction.

Just on the release of our shitty demo, just as we were gearing up for more substantial updates.

I’ve made the decision we need a break from these blogs. It’s not doing us any good, it’s certainly not doing the world any good.

But hey, though we've played the fool, though we've burned the bridges, you know what I can fucking say? We put it on all the fucking line. We give it our fukcking all, day after day month after month while everyone else cashed the easy fucking paycghecks and played grab ass while the walls burned in. 

We have enough failure to commit to the project. We don’t need to be spreading our failures in spastic blog posts as well.

When we’re not so spread thin, when we’ve got some optimism back in us, when we aren’t so damned thirsty for a win and acting the fool, we’ll make another blog. 

Bleh.