I no longer feel the excitement of trying to make a great game. I used to wake up excited that maybe we were making something amazing here, maybe we were making a game that many people were going to enjoy and we could share in something AWESOME.  I was so looking forward to amassing a small player base, listening to feedback, growing a community. Being something positive in this world.

Any more I feel as though we're getting another step closer to just offending a bunch of self righteous shit heads.

I obsess over how much unseen tribalists will distort and adjust all metrics and perceptions to sabotage all things in this world does not serve as a reflection of their wonderous virtues. How they will play the fool, how they will point the finger, how all the ills will be mine. I mean i'm the evil one right? I'm the horrible obstacle in the path to their perfect utopia of rainbows and gumdrops. If only shit heads like me didn't exist this world would be just PEACHY and everyone must fall over themselves and break from scratching one anothers' backs to root out the trouble makers like IllTemperedTuna. 

What an idiot blog post to make :/. But what else is there to do? I'm so tired of feeeling numb, I'm so tired of this bullshit. I just need to vent, I need to kick and scream myself.

For a short while there I had some hope maybe things were going to get better. I had a dream that maybe we could put all this petty nonesense behind us and try to get back to being sane.

But that doesn't seem to be the case. People have made their minds up, everyone else is evil, and if we can't have the world, we'll just burn it to the f*cking ground. It's their fault, they're the bad ones, us throwing petulant shit fits is justified, we need to save the world from all those horrible people.

The fucking audacity of us all to act as though we are the righteous ones as everyone throws shit at one another.

Hey at least I have the decency to speak my mind, at least I'm out here trying to start a damned dialogue.

Everyone else in this world is sitting and spinning on their hate, whispering it to one another how awful everyone else is while they conive and convince themselves how wretched all overs are.

Sounds a little fucking hypocritical to me.

So i guess this is our world for a while. Everyone holding their breath and turning blue just wanting to show everyone what pain they have inflicted on them.

Good fucking god this world needs to grow the f*ck up.

No, it's not lost on me that we're being a petulant little shit either. I've been pulling this shit for years and years now. Just another hypocrite in this stupid fucking world.

Dev is going well though XD. I do still hope people enjoy the game.

This is life. Haters and jealous losers and crabs in a bucket all pulling one another down. You'd like to think you can have an impact, but people don't want you too, everyone is much happier seeing others fail, spitting on 'em while they're in the dirt.

God forbid this world get any better, if people let bygones be bygones or had any decency or respect for one another.

We're all trash easily discarded when we don't perfectly kiss everyone elses asses or shame the same delusions.

I mean, I shouldn't hit post on this blog post. But what's it fucking matter? Nothing in this world is sane. Nothing in this world matters. Only thing that anyone gives a single shit about is what can you do for them, how can you inflate their ego? How can you astroturf their path to success? How do you fit into their little fuckin' circle jerk.

I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I don't think anyone does any more.

Everything is so fucking stupid and pointless. Work hard they hate you, do cool shit they hate you, try to actually improve this world and it's a damned war crime.

The better this game becomes. The more I feel inclined to be an insufferable asshole. I just don't know what place all this work has in this world any more. I miss the days when I could look forward to providing cool things to people, to grateful players, to fellow gamedevs excited for cool new gamedev things.

I despise what's become of this world. The pettiness, the ungratefulness, the spite, the underhanded tactics, the cancelings, the judgements, the entitlements, the fucking hubris of all these self serving assholes.

Little tired today, can't wait to get back to it. I need to distract myself from how stupefying this horrible world has become.