Edit: You know what? I'm actually proud as shit of what I said in the Unity forum. I said what needed to be said. There are many disfunctions that get in the way of us getting damned work done. Tribalism and cognitive dissonances are at the heart of it. I hope some fucktard neckbeard running their mouth cuts through the madness a bit at Unity and they get their shit together. I know I'm not the messenger they wanted, but maybe we can be the fucktard they needed. More likely the same dysfunctional internal structure that squandered all other voices will cause our words to land on deaf ears. What can you do?

I feel like such a dork linking prog rock in 2025, but that’s fine, we are a bit of a dork if I'm being honest XD.

Can you believe we haven’t linked Aqualung in this blog yet? For all the damned Tull we post, we never post friggin’ Aqualung. I hear that opening and I immediately think, “Ugh, I’ve heard this damned song too many times”.

But if you listen a bit longer and get past the grating opening, it’s such a melodic masterpiece and it’ll take you on this rollercoaster ride of emotions. It’s so funny, one of the greatest rock ballads and it’s about this old beat up bum with no purpose in life just hoping to  find a place to enjoy his gaddam tea. I think a lot of us can relate to Aqualung these days, used to relate to the young man who wouldn't judge, but any more I relate to the sorry old fool.

I flirted with the idea of not bringing it up, but who am I fooling? I CANNOT control my mouth when it comes to our idiot antics on the public internet. We did in fact get banned from the unity forums. Yes, again again, and likely for the last time. It's a ghost town anyhow, dead, and it wasn't me that killed it MFr's. 

Frankly, I’m not even mad about it. We pissed off all the right people, and we went down in a blaze of glory.

I do regret going hard on the Unity guys though, not the smarm fucks on the forum, they’re insufferable jackasses. I doubt any of them would happen upon this blog, but if they do, my bad for being an insufferable know it all fuck.

God damn I think of all my posts and I just fucking cringe. If this game ever becomes successful, I suspect my posts won’t be nearly as cringe, but as it stands, I’m just some insufferable nobody acting as if I have any concept of what I’m talking about with absolutely nothing under my belt to justify my inane ramblings.

It did actually hit pretty hard yesterday, we set ourselves up to be hit right on the fucking chin, and they did deliver some hits, but honestly, I deserve it. I’m a bit of a pompous fucking ass. And that’s fine, you gotta be a narcissistic pompous fucking ass to survive in this field. If we weren’t so stubborn and up our own ass ourselves to some degree, we’d have thrown in the towel long ago, so it’s not the worst thing in the world.

Health has kinda been in the dumps the past week, nothing TERRIBLE thankfully, but just enough to put me in kind of a bad headspace thinking about how we’re old and busted and our best days are behind us. Haven’t felt well enough to exercise and whenever I get like this I get in the usual state of mind wondering if we’ll ever feel decent again. Health has always returned before, but it’s always this nagging fear. What if we just start feeling shitty and that never goes away and we’re never able to finish SeaCrit and realize all this hard friggin’ work?

This is going to sound weird, but now that AI is coming in hard, I have some REALLY weird notions about SeaCrit, especially thinking about how poor shape this industry is in. Like AI will start being a real contender for gamedev tools within the next decade. I gotta figure that’s gotta weigh heavy on people working at engines like Unity or Even Unreal. Like just knowing your work is a clicking clock, that everything you might work on might be all for naught. Ugh, it’s so damned depressing, I can kinda understand why devs are in the dumps these days.

We’re all just standing in line waiting to be replaced by machines. The whole life we worked so hard for and struggled for, and just as everything was aligning for us to be in the drivers seat and really show the world our stuff. BOOM, a small team of nerds decide they’re going to eclipse all future human work.

It really sucks the magic out of this human existance. And I know everyone is acting all hunky dory and happy about it. But I’m actually kinda gutted by the future.

This AI roller coaster ride is kinda crazy. I remember being terrified when the AI art came out, it felt like any day a new ai brain to decimate us all. I’m hoping current AI models hit snags and we’re able to enjoy this moment of expanding tech just a tad longer before we enter the singularity and intelligence expands at an exponential rate and in an instance we are all found to be totally and utterly worthless sacks of meat with idiot dreams and silly wants and desires.

What if Ai is the end? What if AI is a portal to understanding our limits, and having the pure intellectual power to understand how empty and pointless everything is? What if our stupidity is as good as it's ever going to get? Sure seems lonely out in space...

Things just feel so damned pointless any more.

Hope I’m feeling better soon, too much time wallowing around thinking about how terrible everything is. Gotta busy ourselves with purpose again soon.

Game is going well, so we’ve got that going for us I guess.

Rain or shine at least a small amount of work tomorrow.

Actually had a pretty good chat with ChatGPT and not feeling so depressed right now:

https://x.com/i/grok/share/CpmaiujRtuZcgNdPAevZkmHC4

YOU THOUGHT WE'D FORGET!?