We have one purpose right now, one chance to enact any sort of positive change. I need to get work done on SeaCrit, and that comes with it's own distractions and rabbit holes and never-ending slew of issues and drudgery.

But in the face of this recent election I am absolutely mesmerized by the sheer state of decay this world is in.

Whichever side of the aisle you're on, whatever "team" you perport to have, whatever biases or rationalizations for your own self enrichments and needs to cut down others around you, there is no argument that things are not well in this world, and I'm finding it hard to muster the elbow grease to tune it all out and get to work on the project.

Why the hell are we busting our ass while the world around us erupts in one giant fucking hissy fit. 

Everywhere I look it's people fully believing that the world want to destroy them, that they were the good ones, that they needed to be in total control, because their fellow man is so gosh damned evil.

Like, sure, there are LOTS of really fukcing shitty people out there, and they tend to group up and exploit those around them for total domination and they collude and lie, cheat and steal, and if you want to look at any group of people and label them horrible exploitive monsters you will find a great many people that will fit the bill of your boogey man.

Good friggin' lord I'm so tired of going through these thought processes, I'm tired of trying to be rational and sensible on eveyrone else's behalf when the world at large only bends to the whims of the whinest mother fuckers in the room.

Gah fucking damn it.

I used to stress over all the lost years, used to think "if we can hit a homerun with SeaCrit, maybe we can make up for some lost time. Maybe we can still have a great positive impact in this world and push things forward and be part of something great."

Now as I fire up the computer, try to ready myself for more slog, all I can find myself hoping is, "Gee, I sure hope all these petulant whiney mother ufckers alll over the world don't topple society before I get this stupid fucking demo out."

We used to dream about colonizing Mars, exploring the deep oceans, curing cancer, making the next incredible eneterainment franchise that would enchant us and bring us all together so we could partake in the communal joy that is the human experience.

Now all anyone wants to fukcing do is point fingers and demonize everyone.

All anyone can muster is to throw fuckign hissy fits and continue this tired exercise of fucking lashing back at percieved wrongs.

In the world of eye for an eye EVERYONE IS BLIND YOU FUCKIGN CHILDREN.

GROW THE FUCK UP

MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF

GET THE FUCK OVER IT

NO ONE GIVES NEARLY AS MUCH OF A FUCK ABOUT YOU AS YOU THINK, PULL YOURSELF UP BY THE BOOTSTRAPS LIKE YOUR PARENTS AND YOUR GRANDPARENTS DID AND GET TO FUCKING WORK.

This world doesn't owe you shit, and sure as fuck not after how fucking petty and childish we have all been over these terrible years.

Whew, you know what. That actually helped.

I'm not sure if I was talking to the world at large, or just having a chat with myself.

Occasionally, amidst the the cat videos and people screaming their heads off on Twitter, you see something poinant, and yesterday while killing what little time I have left on this rock, I came across this meme that really struck me, I wish I had bookmarked it.

But it said something akin to "None of your suffering matters unless you win."

Now that's not going to resonate to most of people in this world. Most of us have been conditioned to farm approval, to make petulant arguments over virtues and victimhood.

We live in a post hard work world. A post character world. A post talent world. A post accountability world.

And I can just imagine so many people taking offense to this blog if most anyone were to read it, and that makes me so darned frustrated. Because no one tries to develop these traits in others as a punishment, these are the elements society relies on to maintain the foundations and the wheels of good.

When we're all sitting around pointing fingers, when we are all reducing one another to the figments of evil in our minds and every minor offense is taken out of context and blown up to absurd degrees, and we seek more to tear down the other than to elevate ourselves, this is where we end up. In this rancid meat grinder of outrage and spin, where you rise up the ranks not from hard earned character or principle, but by indulging in the vitriol, by scratching the most backs, by stabbing those who stand in your way from behind.

What even is a win? Is it making SeaCrit a decent game? What if no one plays it? What if no storefront would welcome a loudmouth such as us? What if the roving hordes of the eternally offended and the namby pambies all take objection to those outside their sphere earning an honest day's living. Someone paving their own way without their approval? Someone who dare casts doubt on their self righteousness as they kick and scream for their utopia.

Too many distractions, too many regrets, too many fears, too many introspections.

I feel helpless, I feel totally out of control of my destiny, I feel fucked over and abandoned.

And I know that I am not alone in this moment.

I'll say it again, "welcome to the club everyone".

Well, we can sit around, we can spend the rest of our waking hours in our own head, feeling bad about ourselves, we can throw our own tantrum and bitch and moan that life isn't fair.

Or we can take a step back, grow the fuck up, and do what the winners do. We can look for the positive side of things.

Our competition has shat themselves so fucking hard, and left such a gaping void in this world of gaming, that if we can get it together, push forward, and get this demo out there, maybe whatever vestiges are left of this industry will be fucking stupid enough as to take a chance on us. Or fuck it, maybe we just make a decent enough project in our lonesome that we start to recoup our investment in isolation... but I never wanted this to be a solo project. I always wanted to help build a better industry, to share gamedev with others. Blech.

I could ramble forever, could whine forever about what was and what could have been.

Here we are. 4 am, nothing but the quiet and darkness of this cave as ever, the whole of the universe reduced down to this glowing monitor and this keyboard as I attempt to make sense of the world outside.

Do we even have something to say, or are we just passing the time? Finding any excuse to do anything but subject ourselves to the never-ending grind of making this forsaken project?

Good fucking lord it's easy to allow yourself to become frustrated these days. I thought this was an issue over the past 6 years of the project but there's a special kind of dysfunction revealing itself in this world in this moment.

What's so catastrophic, is this isn't some issue we can flip a switch and rectify, it's not a simple problem we can fix. An entire generation has been coddeled and made self absorbed, and so focused on themselves they are incapable of seeing the world for what it is.

The ramifications of this are dire.

We are addicted to ourselves, we are addicted to our superiority to others. And like an addict, we will violently lash out and attack anyone who gets in the way of those easily seized dopamine hits. We will rationalize any disgusting behavior, all fits of rage, all rationalizations to stick that needle of hate in our arm and that that really fuckign easy hit of satisfaction.

There is no easy out from this. Users must be allowed to hit rock bottom, they must be given the space to destroy themselves. Only when they've hit rock bottom do they have a chance at redemption, only when they are allowed to see the consequences of their actions taken to completion will they come to see the lies they have told themselves.

And there is always the chance they may never recover, perhaps they are too far gone. Perhaps they never developed as rational and sympathetic beings to ever see others as having value unless they served at their feet.

Enough.

We have exerted enough of our energies worrying about what others think, wondering how we can right the ship. The ball is in their court. Sometimes you have to let others sink or swim on their own, you cannot build character for them.

The entire industry now sinks. This medium sinks. This collective world is now a whirlpool as the tears circle the drain and the salts sea embitter our tongues.

ENOUGH!

Enough fucking energy into this blog no one ever reads! 

Though I do enjoy these writings, and it's nice to have a creative outlet without the severe technical overhead of gamedev, the sad truth is insightful dialogues does nothing for our potential futures. 

These blogs hold no value in this world of lowest common denominator.

Perhaps if we push through, make SeaCrit fun, and reach the masses, these rambles may reach the zeitgeist to some degree, but until then they are nothings. These long drawn out semantic bleedings will be diluted in the endless seas.

Our suffering means nothing unless we win.

Time to get busy devin', or get busy dyin'.

Time to get to work.

But first a quick little ditty to remind us of the good times, what we're fighting for

We can have a world where we get badass shit again like this, but first we gotta start making that good shit again.

(Just to be clear, NOFX were  self righteous dumb fucks who helped plunge the world into darkness under the false promise of indignant nihilism. But what a fucking banger)