I don't know what they're putting in the water, but I'm optimistic for the future for the first time in a long time. It's been so long since i've been excited to get to work, excited to push hard and make a great fucking video game, excited that maybe this isn't a sick deranged world that spits in the face of hard work and sanity.

Doesn't make gamedev any easier, but it feels so good to be in the head space of just wanting to make a good game. For too long we were stuck in that endless twilight zone episode wondering WTF was the point of even trying.

But we pushed on anyway! And now it feels like we're on the precipice, mother fuckers.

I'm also off my meds. I wasn't some kind of psycho, but last year I was experiencing debilitating fits of breathlessness, diziness, nasuea and general feelings of unwellness. Saw the doctors serval times and they didn't seem to give too much of a damn, we're just a neckbeard nobody anyhow. But they put me on a low does of some fairly common anti depressents and that seemed to coincide with me not feeling like I was going to die every single day, i've mostly just felt like shit the past year but it was manageable.

I've been feeling good the past week (hope i'm not jinxing it), and I finally decided to try getting off those meds and see if they were helping me at all or if i was just taking some random perscription while some uknown ailment was kicking our ass. Guess we'll see how things go, but so far so good!

I feel a little less sedated, I never felt drowsy or "out of it" but i notice i've got a bit more edge back. I'll say something off the cuff and think to myself "Well that was kinda mean", but someone had to say it mother fuckers!

Feels good to be my old self and not on any pills. I feel a tad sharper, and dev was already going stupid good!

We've still got a string of mountains to move, and every time we sit down to make forward progress we have a MASSIVE string of bugs and additional functionality that needs doing, among the usual tunings and refactors.

Small bit of work from yesterday....

But we're making progress damn it! And that's all that matters.

Hot damn, feeling good, excited for the project, the world feels like it's pulling its head out of it's ass, and gearin' up for another slog.

These are the mother fuckin' days. The ones we don't take the time often enough to reflect on and take in and enjoy. It's a priviledge to suffer and fight and have purpose and to feel as though you're making a real push for something special.

Time will tell if this was all worth it. Sooner or later... time will tell.

Edit: So a new version of Unity just popped out and I have a few minutes and there was something i wanted to blather about.

There's this concept of diminished ethics that happens in large companies, where it's each individuals job to maximize profits or advertizing or whatever, and in this large system where everyone is disconnected, our humanity is lost and our lives become slaves to these inhuman machines. This is fairly well known and understood.

But where we increasingly find ourselves as these systems now become multi generational and people are born into this coddled madness where the large machines dictate every element of their lives, is not just the decay of morality, but base level competencies and understanding of the world.

There were some sayings that really stuck with me that became prevelant before all this decline, "It doesn't matter if you have the skills, do you have a good personality? Skills can be taught." This is a load of bullshit. And we've poisoned the minds of entire generations with this nonesense. Just as some people have better personalities, some have better skills for actually getting shit done. A pain tolerance for failure, a work ethic, the stubbornness to see through the cult of personality to what is real and true as the machines grind us all to pulp.

It's a real sign of the times that such madness was allowed to fester. How fucking ungrateful and coddled do you have to be to just relinquish all duty to the continued prosperity of mankind so you can fuck off at work?  This is all anyone understands any more. Brown nosing is the sum total of everyone's contribution to this world. It's fucking pathetic, and it's dangerous, and we're going to pay an increasingly dire price for this foolishness. And we have no one to blame but ourselves. That's the royal we, btw. I'm working my ass off to fix this shit while everyone else circle jerks. I'm not alone, but you get my point. It's an uphill battle and if you want to save the world, you have to grab the levers horded by this dumb fucks by force, because in their idiot fever dreams, they're the good guys.

I was just mouthing off on twitter and engaging in some incredible conversations and what struck me so hard is how few people give a damn. There is a void in this industry, a void of people giving a fuck, of developing competency and wanting to build a better industry for the betterment of all. 

Everyone is afraid any more, everyone is just expecting the machines at large to take care of them (or destroy them).

For so long these conniving cowards and back scratchers have slowly turned the entire machine of society into that damned cult. And now that everything is crumbling down around us we all have to act surprised and sad about it all. How's this fuckers... Learn to be fucking competent at something. Develop goals and ambitions and become competitive. Instead of DESTROYING those around you who work hard and have ambitions, maybe tag along for the ride?

We've become a world of do nothings, a world of cowards. We all fear and pander to this massive machine.

Wanna know a SeaCrit? Every passing year that machine becomes more inept, insane, indiscriminate and detrimental to own existence. Who gives a damn about pissing off the mechanizations of modern society? It's batshit  nothings. Paper tigers and limp dick panderings among drinkers of kool aide.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Time to get off our ass and save this fucking world from this stupid fucking decline.

Anyhow... TO DEV! XD

Edit 2: Ok I lied. Quick addendum. I don't usually get to do this, but I was just farting around in the game waiting for the insall to be done, and I forgot I had left the "SeaCrit" debug bonuses enabled, and I was swimming around and punching fish in the face, and I was getting some crazy high crits, as the SeaCrit crit allows for crits to be recursive up to a 16x damage mod, which is kinda crazy... I should PROBABLY adjust the logic to be diminishing likelihood per crit instance, BUT I DIGRESS!

Anyhow! Just wanted to say in that instance I was having fun just seeing those big numbers. And it's been a while since we had one of those moments where we're just testing some random thing and we got to think, HEY! THIS IS COOL!

ALL the good shit i've been working on as of late, the moment it's working, we throw it in the done folder and move on to more undone shit that inevitably breaks other shit leading to an endless cycle of burnout...

But SOON! SOON we will have all these bonuses online. Speaking of, I keep revamping the bonus system and I'm really happy with it now. It alows me to hide and unhide secondary and tertiary bonus values based on the bonus. The layout is super clean and easy to work with, naturally sorts the various values so you don't mix them up... I'd post a screenshot but I found that Unity won't install a new version when another version is open so i'm just twiddling my thumbs gearin' up to get to work. Wish there were more interesting conversations to be had online but everything just sucks these days. Gamedev really fucking sucks in 2024. Everyone's gone quiet and afraid to say anything at all. Oh well! Just floatin' with our flotsam in our little padded room here XD