Where does the time go?

It's groundhog's day all over again. For the past 2 months I've thought I'm going to get to work on the bonuses, tune them up and then we'll make some items and the game will come together.

And HOLY MOLY there are so may things to get sidetracked by. And I have mixed emotions about being sidetracked. Because there is a part of me that dreads waking up, it's the same day and our youth is fading, and the world decays more and more, and that neverending decline just grinds, and grinds and grinds and I don't even feel much pain any more. I'm just numb, just surrendered to this nothing.

But at the same time, this is where we build. This is where the SeaCrit sauce is made. Day after day, grind after grind, revision after revision,  refactor after refactor. You go mad thinking of all the lost months, days, and hours. Each commit another day of your life sullied and gone trying to stay afloat in this madness.

Wax on, wax off.

I know the game is getting better. Just wish it didn't take so long. Just wish there were moments of return on all this toil as the world turns and the rats race round the little wheels.

Took so much for granted we did. That things would continue to get better. That the rising surge to cure, to prosper, to aspire for more and better would grow and grow with all this oxygen, and space. You get too much, you get too high, not enough and you gonna die.... Kinda wishing i'd linked Electric Light Orchestra now but I'm too burned out to muck about with that and how do you just ditch Mixed Emotions by the stones? It's a fucking banger.

Oh, but health has been great! I almost did a second session of work today, but decided against it and don't wanna jynx it. Hoping to get a solid day tomorrow. Maybe we'll even get some of the bonuses done!

Whew, SO MUCH secondary things are getting done! Little touches, touches to little touches that will support emerging systems not yet showcased in the present demo.

And then I fire up the old demo to see how far we've come and I can't even tell the difference. WTF ARE WE EVEN WORKING ON!? I truly wonder sometimes if we're insine, if this expelled energy is all an illusion.

Just kinda tapped out and in a mood tonight. I was planning on this blog entry to be a rally cry and to be full of piss and vinegar. That'll be our next one. Just one of those nights where you've just got a hint of melancholy thinking about it all. Not sad, not angry, just collecting yourself in the quiet and dark thinkin' about it all.

We are living in a really silly time. And i'm making a murder fish simulator in the hopes that somehow that helps save the world.

Life is silly.