This is way harder and taking way longer than I ever imagined. And I never thought the world would become so crazy.

You look to the left and you look to your right and you see these people who have each others backs no matter what, willing to destroy people for the most inane and insane things.

And truth be told, it's had to keep your motivation when you see how much everyone just flat out hates everyone who isn't on their team when you don't really have a team, if ya know what I mean...

The years of long nights, and hard times and all the things that make you feel tired.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just waiting for the world to become sane again, as if the forces of sanity are out there fighting for me. But that doesn't even make any sense, we're completely insane.

Good news is, I kinda just take my health for granted these days, don't wake up worrying i'll feel like I'm dying again. That alone is a godsend, or maybe it's these pills they put me on, I have no idea.

Smething I keep thinking about... is how crazy it is we aren't born with an instruction manuel. Something called "Dear Human" and it's written by and impartial advisor who details, "listen, you're a dumb fuck, and you're going to believe everything your tribe tells you."

But that's really bad advice, because if you go off on your own against the insanity of the tribes, you end up alone at 3 am working on a stupid fish game.

I honestly don't f*cking know any more. What's real? What sort of mad machine could allow for so much stupidity? What's the meaning behind all our pettiness? It's a scary notion to contemplate, because it makes you wonder about the intentions of the Universe. Seems either vindictive or pure chaos.

My brain really isn't working today. Think I have writers block, can't even blather good or jump down one of the rabbit holes of why being an indie dev really blows these days.

It feels like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates went into a meeting one day and they were like, "Yeah we'll just fill universities with sm@rm fucks, and then hire them all and staff every aspect of our society with petty, insecure assholes." And now our society is just a giant money printing machine that fills a bunch of do nothings pockets as they all pretend like this is all fucking fantastic and making the world better because they're all getting paid fat paychecks to sit on their ass.

This world is so f*cked.

Anyway, just having a little bit of a slow week, hopefully back to it soon.

Ugh, it never ends. And this entire world sucks, and everyone just wants to point fingers and destroy one another for the stupidest fucking reasons. These mother fuckers over here eat their bread butter side up, and these fuckers eat it butter side down and they DESPISE the other side. And it's like, you're both fucking retarded for being so petty about which side you eat your butter on, but you are extra retarded for buttering your bread upside down.