It's not worth destroying myself over finishing up in 2 weeks as upposed to 3 weeks. Yesterday after a solid day of work I could feel the breathlessness setting in and my health ended up taking a nose dive, it's terrible and I hate it. Feel like i'm slowly suffocating, can't catch my breath even when i'm just laying down. I think maybe it has to do with working a mile a minute with metal playing and having adrenaline going trying to do the work of 10 people every day in my lonesome. I didn't really think this could possibly be the cause of not feeling well, but i'm starting to think, maybe we're not design to sit at a desk all day pushing our brain to the brink hopped up on power metal. I used to think it was the coffee causing my body to crash, but it could simply be the sustained stress of pushing myself very hard. Or who knows, maybe i'm just a b*tch and i'm fine I dunno. Could also be the endless years of taking my health for granted.

I was really hoping the poor health was behind me but last night got pretty bad. Feeling a little better today, I could almost bring myself to get back to work, try to claw myself out of this cavern of shame, but just going to take it easy. Just broth, gonna lay around and watch some of Dota's International that i've been missing out on. If i'm feeling better, tomorrow it'll be light exercise and eating very healthy, no fats, no venigar, lots of garlic (i think that might be helping). It's crazy the kind of things you strat to think might be helping you feel better when your heatlh declines, you start obsessing over things and believing in craziness. OK so if I do light situps, d rink a half cup of apple vinegar, eat some garlic, don't eat any carbs, don't eat any sugars, if I don't stare at bright lights, and if I lay in the sun, and I take vitamin D and if I dobn't eat spicy food, and if i don't excersize TOO hard and I don't do anything to elevate my heart rate, MAYBE i'll feel better soon. I understand now why blood letting was once a thing. People will try anything to feel better when they're in the dumps.

Good news: Feeling MUCH better today than last night. Last time this set in it took me 3 weeks to feel kind of normal, and already feeling 40% better or so, so that's good. Is this going to get worse and wrose? Or is it going to get better? I dunno, wish I had more of an idea wtf was goign on, i've seen a few doctors but they did so f*cking little to see what was wrong with me i kinda don't see the point of trying again. I'm ok with dealing with this on my own, just going to try to be healthy as best I can without pushing too hard. we're still going to try to kick ass a solid 4 days a week. No more pushing myself 9 days in a row.