Wasn't feeling it so took a day off, but have  a lot on my mind, that I kept putting off making a blog for. Stop making negative blog posts dumb ass. Oh well, can't help myself these days.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to reach out to these publishers, but what's the alternative? I've run my mouth and made a fool of myself, i guess I just curl up and die in a corner somewhere.

I don't know, it's just such a weird world to live in. Feel like i'm a needle in a haystack of human wreckage.

This community is so toxic, so full of vaporware. How do you get anyone to even try your game let alone like it, let alone help fund it, let alone maybe help work on it?

I think it's time I do some soul searching, being negative, a negative result becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The game is getting better, we have something to be optimistic for. What good does bitching and whining do? It's time to really internalize this, and stick to it, FOR REAL THIS TIME. It's time to play the game, it's time to not just try to make a great game, but to be an entity that appeals to this world. And not in a crazy way, but in a wholesome, strong, uplifting way. I strive for transparency and to be real, so I will not remove my past blathers, but I also want this game and project to be something positive that resonates with the world. 

I'd like to think we can do some good here, and you don't do good being a weak b*tch. This will be my last negative blog post.

Truth be told I haven't put the game out there much at all, but i'm just bracing for the long soul crushing feeling you get when you try to share your project with people and you're greeted with mass indifference. I'm the annoying waiter in Hollywood that has that script he wrote on him at all times shoving it in everyone's face. I hate it, I truly do, I think it's the worst part of gamedev. Just making something and it being invisible, it being a bother to people. I know i'm not alone in this. Just wondering if you're some annoying f*ck, wasting peoples time with your shitty dreams and aspirations.

Ugh, can't keep my eyes open but not done blathering.

Feature creep is hitting really hard today. I spent a good bit of time trying to be jazzed for the project. How do we get pumped? How do we attack the game tomorrow so i'm excited and know i'm going to make really cool stuff that will make the game awesome and give us a chance for success?

The idea of randomized levels hit me hard. It got me thinking I could play the game over and over again and it would feel like the first time,, I could experience the game like an actual player and be able to balance things properly and actually envision the game as a game, and not a never-ending task list, perpetually putting off working on key systems. Right now i play with debugs on most times and i don't even think about health or growing more powerful or viewing the game as a game. And that's very dangerous.

I haven't decided if i'm going to try random level generation yet. I'm mulling over some ideas, what it means for level design, if it's worth trying or not. Ugh, it never ends, I never reaches a point where i feel confident in the future. The only answer day after day is more dev, more crunch, a neverending feeling of being under the gun and mounting pressure and  a building chance that this was all a terrible terrible idea.

Deep breath.

I keep deciding the time for these introspective, outsider rambles is up. I need to make chipper, concise, digestible clips for the sophomoric industry that only indulges in the mundane see no evil hear no evil sophist horse sh*t. Is this where it starts? I get desperate enough and I scrub all the blog entries, delete all social media, and just beg some faceless entity to give me a living wage for all these years of toil?

6 years working on this project I don't even know how to get a handful of people to play it. That's where we're at right now.

Edit: The more I think about it, the more i'm thinking that random level layout is the way to go. I can always reduce the randomization and add as much hand crafting as I want. This isn't going to be some gnarly diablo system that creates vast worlds, this would be more like an excitebike, just little sections that can be laid next to one another, compounded by random elements within each chunk, very doable. Would need to maybe create a few different sized chunks of ground.

But does the game benefit from this? I don't know. Here's why i'm moving forward with it. I get a little excited at the possibilities, I get excited that I can play the game and feel like the player, and this more than anything is going to put me in a state of mind where i can work on the project and actually make it play like a game and be fun, and that is the ultimate consideration.

It's going to be a good bit of work getting this all up and running, but a huge plus to all of this is I will be thinking of creating level assets in a super modular fashion. Even if this doesn't work out, the boon to level design will be there and this will all have been worth it.

My gut tells me this is the right path to go.  So much shit to do, so burned out, and not looking forward to implementing a new system, but in the long run, procedural content will actually be less work. But tons on the plate for the near future trying to get this demo up to par.