There is only one thing that matters in gamedev: Do you break the ceiling?

The neverending scope management. The eternal struggle wrangling the neckbeard horde in your disorderly kitchen. The years of endless monotony tip toing around the landmines of bugs, feature creep, dwindling enthusiasm...

Does your game push beyond the fun barrier? At  every milestone, our human fallibility will test your project, you must be ever vigilant against the encroaching madness, the project ending faults of hubris and naivety. And yet most teams sing kumbaya as the wolves set in with their sheep disguises. 

There are a lot of really big concepts I wanted to touch on in this blog. I wanted to discuss why this industry is in free fall, why all the wrong people are influencing one another to focus on  tertiary madnesses outside of pushing the envelope beyond the ceiling, of developing better pipelines and practices.

It's not our project foundation that are cracking, our markets and ecosystems from which developers come from are also failing us. They are tuned to fealty, not competency. The DNA of this industry has become self destructive, weak and obsessed with their precious hobble of nerdom  they have scrounged.

The fields are barren, and we will be suffering this decline for some time, if we're ever able to right it. There is no future outcome that stunts the decline, it's too ingrained, we are now wired to fight against progress. Too much acclaim and patting of backs amidst these tiny collectives full of funding and ambition, but short of perspective and harsh truths. We are living in the era of back pats and affirmations in an industry that teaters on disaster from the very onset of a project's inception. 

We've become more obsessed with destroying one another than we have about creating great experiences for all to enjoy.

Suppose I should get back to the topic at hand. All these subjects are so divisive these days, you can't even have an honest conversation without triggering others' base tribalistic natures. We're people, we're tribal, we know subconciously how not to offend the big elephant in the room, we know how not to rock the boat, how to enjoy the luxury of comfort, of being dry, of not having to plunge into the water and needing learn to swim, to face the possibility of a final end.

It is remarkable to me how weak the average developer is in this day and age. Coddled, safe in a bubble, arms locked with others enjoying this soft parade, eager to cancel friends and families to show allegiance to the machine at the drop of a hat. Eager for cookies and back pats from other smarmy, half formed adults while doing the usual brown nosings. Everything has suffered for this comfort in every way, but every year it becomes more entrenched, more permanent.

No one gives a darn about the ceiling any more. Everyone just obsesses over being in one another's good graces. It's all a facade, it's all an illusion. We're all just playing house now and enjoying one another's company. No one must labor to brew the tea, just imagine it's there, no one must bake the crumpets, no worry to if they will burn, or the proportions of the batter mix. We jump through our hoops, we smile and nod and we collect our little chunk of cheese. See no evil, hear no evil, isn't everything wonderful? 

I suppose I'm in a bit of a grumpy mood, health kinda nose dived yesterday, I've had worse, but it's still rough. Hoping to get back to it soon. I'm pretty terrified these days, what if I put out the game but it's just "kinda good"? What if it just falls on its face... So many years invested, can I just abandon the project? Will I forever just work and work on it thinking it will be good? Can I even go off and do something else at this point with my diminished health? It's all kind of a nightmare. Even success could bring endless torment in this modern world of haters and monopoly. All threats to the madness must be eliminated this day and age. 

This industry is full of so much hording of wealth, so much hording of market, so much hording of talent. It's such a petulant and self destructive industry, but it's all i know, gamedev is the only thing of value I have. I feel cursed, wish i could just go back in time and smile and nod.

But when I think of the project I see promise, I see it firmy wedged directly under the ceiling crushing upwards, cracks forming in the drywall as stucco dirties the carpet. Is this finally coming together? Are all the systems coalescing to creating a coherent, innovative experience?

I feel SeaCrit may crush through the ceiling if I can just hunker down a little bit longer. But who would join forces who can help push this forward? All the powerful players would shun this project. And few would help knowing the consequences.

All these years flying by, you hope that things would have gotten better... ball's still in my court, though. No pressure... not like everything is on the line, and terrible consequences lurk at the end of every outcome.

No point harping on the looming failures, the inevitable haters. The SeaCrit must get out. All I can do is put my head down and hope for the best. Feeling a bit better today, hoping it carries on and I get to it soon. Not much left in the tank ATM but not much further to go... maybe I wake up tomorrow and the head pops off the pillow. You just never know...