I was getting too in my head about these blog posts that no one reads.

SeaCrit needs to become fun, that's all that matters. These posts are blathers in the wind. I do take pride in the honesty, transparency, even vulnerability I put up in these posts. I believe a great danger to this world is this new wave of see no evil, hear no evil. This projection of infallability is a dangerous thing for us flawed beings. If you put your all into creating this illusion of competency and purpose, year after year you will lose your soul, you will become a big fat phony who does nothing of value. I wish more creatives in the "upper echelons" would be more open with their ambitions, why they are doing things, and their creative process, the fires under their asses that are compelling them to do something worth f*ck all, but all you can do is affect change as a castaway on your own little patch of sand.

I'm being pulled in so many directions (what else is new?). The most pressing thing is getting this damned game online and fun, which I believe I am knocking on the door of. There's this allure that if I can garner the right attention, maybe I can have others to trudge through this code and help me find the fun, and take some of the edge off this grueling process. But over the years i've come to see this grind as much a blessing as it is a curse. If you want something done right, do it yourself. There are no cooks in the kitchen here to tell me to do some tertiary BS, to say that systems that I've worked on for ages aren't working and to move on, to follow some tired formula and ship generic dog sh*t.

I hate to say it but health is the big bottleneck right now, an hour ago I was gearin' up to jump back in, got in a bit of exercise and not so sure now. Could go either way. For the past couple month i've been forcing myself to guzzle coffee and push for 6 to 18 hours a day, sometimes right through weekends.

I had some big ideas for this blog post, was going to deep dive into a system or two and explain why i'm excited to work on them, why they mesh with other elements of the game to elevate the entire experience. Instead I think i'll just make this a pallet cleanser.

I won't say things are doing great right now, health has been a rollercoaster, but it's getting better, and if things continue to improve at the rate they have been in the past week, I could see things turning around here in a big way.

Sometimes planning is even more important than actual work. Sometimes you work for so long, so hard, and get knee deep in technical crap that you get tunnel vision, and you miss huge radical shifting changes that can fix huge problems.

It's so weird, this is my first game i've gone all in on, and all the way through i've been waiting to hit this wall, a point where gains are very small, and it's only polish, polish, polish to make the game just an eantsy bintsy bit better. But I'm not feeling that at all. I'm feeling as though all this big systems that were unpolished and needed tuning before, starting to elevate the game, and they're all fitting together in the ways that years and years of intimate work on this singular project and all it's systems allowed. It's been a real f*cking b*tch sitting in these cave finagling the same painful issues year after year, but I truly believe that it's all starting to come together.

There's only a short list of things that needs doing before I really dig in there and start adding all the "cool stuff".

Build up areas 1 and 2.

and... that's about it. Holy crap.

Everything is waiting in the wings, I have spent SO MUCH DAMNED time the past couple months getting this online, and they mostly are. The existing demo is very shallow, has some interesting items and shows promise in combat and has pretty tight controls. But all the other elements coming online will add exponential potential to the project.

Blathers don't really mean anything, but it's good to be thinking about the project again, and feeling better to the point i'm on the verge of diving back in. I'm not one to half @ss things, I'm not going to force myself to do 5 minutes of work. I know what I can get done on a solid day, an hour or two here and there ain't sh*t. Going to hit this hard soon, going to get this sucker up and running and it's going to be pretty f*cking cool I think.

I always say this, but hopefully posts become about the game again soon. I've gotten quite a few blathers out of me that aren't the types of posts that instills trust in the current, incompetent levers of power in this world. I mean who cares what these morons think anyhow?

Soon these blathers will forum slide and all these rambles will be a distant memory. It's easy to be grumpy when you're not feeling well. 

I'm looking forward to being knee deep into SeaCrit very, very soon, and for the gamedev goodness to eclipse bitter blathers.

It's coming together. The potential is maddening, the grueling path, but it's also keeping me alive.