I look back from time to time at the various gigs I had before SeaCrit, at all the stupid sh*t we were tasked with, stupid sh*t devolving into larger more chaotic masses of stupid sh*T project to project studio to studio. Am I the crazy one for still trying to make anything at all amidst all this madness? Maybe everyone else has it right, maybe I'm the dumb @sshole for giving a damn. Should have just joined everyone in playing the game, in coasting along and enjoying this brief existence instead of alienating myself for silly nothings.

At least i've grown comfortable in the mud. It doesn't bother me so much being here hidden away in SeaCrit, there's a purpose i hope, even if it's imagined, what isn't? I know i'm blathering to a sea of nothing save a kind soul or two out there who pop in from time to time (You know who you are , thank you!). I'm at peace with that. Just gonna neckbeard out as hard as I can in my lonesome and try to make somethin' outta nothin'.

So anyhow, I haven't gotten any sleep, I'm pretty burned out, i'd say it's taking all my restraint to not vent more about how tedious dev has been as of late, but I simply don't have the energy to even complain. Anyway, going to try to spin spin my wheels up a bit for my own damnable project. Lord knows I've squandered enough burning the midnight oil for coddled, corporatized, smarm f*cked dack drivels over the years.  Don't have any gas in the tank to do anything interesting, but hoping I can at least get some tedious sh*t done.

Here's where I take solace. I don't need the illusion of progress, I don't need to throw bodies into the fire hoping to appease the game dev gods. Just me, toiling away on tedious sh*t I know needs doing. 

Some day after all this tedium, I will open the project and there will be nothing left to do but the "important" stuff.  Some day the courage of man will be tested and we will colonize Mars, we will cure cancer, we will end all this tribalistic bullcrap and do things of meaning with our lives! BUT NOT THIS DAY! TODAY WE TEND TO THE MUNDAIN TECHNICAL DESIGN REQUIRMENTS OF MENTALY INHIBITED MURDER FISH.

Post Work Edit: Whew, had a really darned good day of dev. Was hoping for maybe 1 or 2 hours on an empty tank of gas but got a solid 7ish, VERY solid. Always amazed by how I can completely forget what I worked on, but I know the scene and level setups are way better and got some revisions to items and the big tangled ball of string is unraveling every single say as I refactor and revamp.

NO REST FOR THE WICKED M*THER FUCKERS!

TO COFFEE! TO DEV! TO SPINNING WHEELS IN THE MUD! (honestly if I can get anything over an hour of dev I'm going to call that a victory today)