By the sole metric of progress, work has been incredible the past few weeks. A lot of paying the piper fixing things I didn't know were broken, a lot of time spent polishing things I felt were sufficiently polished. You start to view these things as distractions from the main goal. THEY ARE NOT! This is the heart of gamedev, allowing yourself the time to do what you know in your core is important, even if they weren't on the TODO list. This is the difference between a successful project and a failed one. 

Are you going through the motions? Or are you actually trying to make a good game? For weeks now i've longed to be done with large pressing issues so I could dive deep into the TODO list and eviscerate the tasks on it. But it's meaningless, they're just scribles on an arbitrary piece of paper.

Every day I open SeaCrit and I have these notions of building up some core level design, setting up some core spawn setups, "finding the fun". And day after day these goals remain in hiatus. It becomes draining in the long run, like an itch you can't scratch. I don't know when I'll get to these core tasks that directly precede a new demo. I'm not feeling hyped to get to work today wondering what distractions will occur today.

I need a vacation, I really need some small return on investment to validate what i've subjected myself to over the years. But this ordeal will remain stifled in this cave until it's worth is blatant, no matter how much I yearn for reprieve. It is what it is. 

I've gotta strike while the iron is hot and my health is out of the gutter regardless of sleep and energy. Coffee incoming, hot jams incoming. Gonna trudge through this bitch. 

Tired, disgruntled  progress it is.