Was still under the weather so lounging around a bit putting off work. 

I am so incredibly drained and on days like this i'm pretty damned useless. There are a few endeavors you can take on that really take a creative spark to fuel their development: Music, Art, Writing, Game Development. What is that certain something that's going to make your creation different? What form will your work take when it has none? How do you best position yourself as a condiut to bring these ethereal concepts into the mortal realm, and do so in a way that you can iterate on it over time and chisel it into a form that is pleasing to the observer? Every animation, every UI setup, every combat nuance, every dialogue, each and every component of SeaCrit comes with a creative cost and I'm sick of satiating that damneable beast. Just a bit further to go I tell myself, this is the last system and the game will show its promise, salvation is around the corner. So many years have slipped by...

As I now sit on the precipice of working on the world building, and merging progression with enemies and exploration, I'm really just tired of having to throw myself to the ever thirsty gamedev gods that demand uniform perfection and excellence so this game can even have a chance. I wish I had more energy as I attack this, I wish I didn't feel like I need to rush this to get things done under the wire, wish this was my main endeavor and I could put my all into it and make it something awesome, develope custom assets and setups so the world could simulatiously be beatiful and fun with interactive objects to bounce off of,  walls to smash apart, lots of amazing things. It's easy to want things to be incredible and well crafted and perfect. But I'm burned out, I'm on borrowed time, and I need to just go in there and build out something that kinda works and hope it's good enough with all my dwindling motivation and being spread so damned thin.

Oh and quick update on the turning Terrain 90 degrees and working on underwater caves by hollowing it out like an ant farm, I forgot that unity terrain only works on the z azis, so this isn't really a possibility. So simple rocks tossed about it is.

If I could do this all again, I would make an idle game, a platformer, something tried and true so that I could have a very select portion of content to prototype and push forward, and know that I only had to emulate what is tried and true.

I repeat myself but there is no point harping on what could have been. I have a game that is getting better all the time, even if my health, vision and sanity slowly levels downward. That's just life...

Anyhow, part of me feels like the game is already pretty good, that I'm waiting for the madness around me to subside so maybe some force out there will take a chance on this crazy project and crazy developer.

I fired up the game yesterday and played it briefly, it's pretty durned good, I'm pretty proud of it, and though my brain freezes up wondering where the creative energy will come from to push it forward, it always comes back, and as of late, things have been going really well. Just waiting for this sore throat and fever to go down so i can push things just a bit further.

Days just slippin' by, kinda bittersweet to listen to music like this, reminds you have how full life can be with complexities and relationships, but also how distant all of that is now. Only thing to do is to keep pushing. Hopefully things will work out...