First of all, holy shit, 11 days since my last post. I can't believe how the time just melts away, only thing keeping me sane these days is how close I feel the game is to coming together. I wish there was a more obvious solution to writer's block, but sometimes my brain just wont let me work on the project, I don't know why. I wish there was a switch on my head I could just flip and dive back into work, but there isn't. There are a lot of nagging things that wrestle with you to work. Knowing you're in this solo, that you ahve to move this damned mountain by yourself, that you will never open the project and see some cool thing, that safety net of knowing you are part of a team. None of that exists. But hey, on the flip side, if you want something done right, do it yourself right? So yeah, fuck the world, there are teams funded by billions of dollars out there, putting out dog shit, so there's no reason to be jealous of that bullshit.

ANYWAY, rambling again.

I actually kinda feel like working no the project today, got a good nap in, i've got everything that needs doing framed in my head. 

It's funny once you become kinda competent, you kinda do things twice. You can completely emulate the code and systems that need doing inyour head, and you can actually get it done all in your noggin' and when it's time to get the actual work done you feel like you're just repeating yourself, but  this time with lots of unforseen bugs! WOOOOO what fun gamedev is.

I hate coding sometimes, coding systems that you can explain in a sentence so easily, it feels like you're having to communicate with someone who rides the short bus. You have to guide the computer through EVERY SINGLE FRIGGIN EDGE CASE and EVERY SINGLE FRIGGIN THING THAT THEY COULD DO WRONG, you have to give them EXPLICIT instructions on how to do every single thing.

"JUST FRIGGIN' SPAWN A FISH HERE AFTER A TIMER RUNS OUR, HOW HARD CAN THAT BE!?"

"BUT I ONLY SPAWN FISH OUT OF VIEW! THAT'S WHAT YOU TAUGHT ME, I DON"T KNOW HOW TO SPAWN A FISH THAT DOESN'T WANDER AROUND AND SPAWNS IN JUST ONE LOCATION!

Ugh, I really friggin' hate how you have to break apart more complex things to do simpler things, and now you have 2 systems that can break in entirely new ways, and if you'd known you needed more variety in spawning you could have set up a better system from teh start, but gamedev is a massive amalgamation of frustration and pain trying to get things that seem so simple in your head to actually work right amidst all the broken glass wrapped in duct tape.

Just rambling about it is making me not to work on the damned project, BUT IT'S SO CLOSE TO COMING TOGETHER! Ugh, it's a constant struggle of being excited for the potential, and being dragged down by the monumental task and soul crushing odds in a world gone mad this all is.

In another life i imagine i'm just working at a cool company with cool people making cool games, and we put out something fun, then go home to our friends and families. That's how things were supposed to be so many years ago. 

Whole worlds gone mad though. Can't complain that things aren't interesting. Lots of what I think to be wasted time... lots of decay... but there is also purpose. "May you live in interesting times" they say.

What a time to be alive! Anyhow, gonna take a little time to think, might jump right into work if i'm feeling it and have a dev video by morning or may not, we'll see how this goes.

As for fighting writers block, I think a lot of it comes down to you just gotta reach within and be pumped for the damned project. It's easy to stew in your thoughts, to fall into regret, to dwell on what could have been if only... Fuck that noise. We've still got life in us, time to push forward. The world will never be perfect, it will never be sunshine and rainbows. Fuck the world, make a game, and make it not suck ass, because fuck the jokers and fuck the smarm fucks who lick their asses who fuel the mad decline.

Oh shit, I just realized I didn't blather about anything I meant to when I started this devlog. So yeah, i tried this game that was getting big "Vampire Survivors" after I saw Bulldog playing it in his stream because I'm an autistic manchild who couldn't be bothered to work on the game the past week, and it really dawned on me how I got sidetracked with all the 3d and animations.

Good god this whole project would have been so much easier if i'd just done it in something like gamemaker. But sunk cost fallacy is a doozy, I spent so much time learning 3d and effects I felt I HAD to do them, or i'd be wasting the "edge" I had, I'd be throwing away all the skills and time spent learning to make 3d assets, rig them, animate them, create shaders, effects, and that jazz.

But vampire survivors just goes to show that's all fluff. At the end of the day is your game fun? Does it have the secret sauce? That's all that matters.

So many moons spent wrestling tertiary systems, and i've implemented UI and upgrades and stuff in such a way that it's kind of a headache to finally get the secret sauce into seacrit.

Oh well. It is what it is. I'm really fucking excited for where the game is going, which makes it kinda bearable to take a week or two off, as I really feel all the toil and hard work is culminating into something that doesn't suck ass. But who knows, having your expectations violated time and again is kind of the heart of gamedev.

Blah, blah, blah. Ok i've expended enough creative juices into idiot nothings on the internet. Time to &*#$ or get off the pot. Again may get some work done today, if not, I'll just have all the ducks in a row, all the dialogue ready and things planned to hit this hard tomorrow.

Whew, feels good to be ready to work again, it's easy to worry the juice will never come back, but it always does... just takes longer than you'd like a lot of the time.